Lamenting My Grateful Guest
I drove down the hill from my house, and there before the first stoplight was a homeless man doing his best to walk with crutches. I got out and offered water. He was trying to find 7-11 and seemed confused. He was hungry. You’re hungry? Yes I”m hungry. You want to go to lunch? I’m heading to Normal Heights. We can get food there. Are you going to take me back here? Of course I’m going to take you back here. Well, I’ll have to bring my crutches.
As we got in the car he noticed the Bible and announced his faith, saying, “I’m Baptist. What are you?” I worship and serve Jesus. …I’m sorta baptist, I guess.
His smell was immediately noticeable. He was soon giddy as a 7-year old boy, saying things like, “I haven’t had any conversations in a long time,” and “Car ride! I haven’t been in a car in a long time! I like this car ride. … Can we listen to music?” What do you like? “Rock ‘n’ roll!”
His voice was nothing but gentle and kind. It’s not a stretch to say there was evidence of the Spirit of Jesus in him. As we drove up 15 towards Adams Avenue he recognized the area and I asked him if he was from San Diego. “I’ve lived in San Diego my whole life. 57 years.”
I was going to meet one of my AAC accomplicesat Ward Canyon for a while and then join another at LeStats. We drove by the park and told Bub to meets us at the cafe now so we could get some food.
I realized that I was sad. I am still melancholy, three hours later. The sandwich and salad was a feast to him. When he commented on how much food it was – “I can never eat all that!” – I took half the sandwich for myself (this was breakfast) and wolfed it down. (It was not even close to being too much food, by my standards. I could have easily eating the whole meal in five minutes.) The most he could eat was half his modest coffee-cup sized portion of chili, which he repeatedly praised. (Judging from his enjoyment LeStats has the best chili in all the world.) He requested a napkin for the sandwich so he could preserve it and eat it for dinner.
Then I noticed how skinny he was, and yes indeed he looked 57. His wrinkles were deep and his eyes were red. There was a hole where his upper front teeth would be, and the lower lip rested there when his mouth was closed. His arms were dotted with black, skinless patches up and down his arms from cancer. And yet his joy was evident. We talked about his two former wives and four kids. His son in the Army got most the attention. “I’m proud as heck,” he said.
He broke one dose of silence by looking at me in the eye for the first time, with humility and a whimper in his voice saying, “Why did you pick me up and help me? You don’t even know me.” I looked in his eyes and said, Because I follow Jesus, and that’s what he would have done. I don’t remember what he said. Something grateful as he shook his head in amazement.
Our other friend (Sam) arrived and the plan was to drive around El Cajon Blvd. and into City Heights if need be to find people in need. So I left and it was evident the homeless man did not completely trust I would return. I left him out front on the patio with two AAC’ers and a couple bystanders, including another homeless man. I drove around and when I returned he was all ready to go home, I suspect because he had been nervous that I wouldn’t return and was now taking the opportunity to get a ride home before I disappeared again for good. He would have had to walk the ten miles on crutches.
At that point the other homeless man chuckled while saying, “Make him walk home!” Gotta love my newfound homeless humor.
Before we left, Sam hooked him up with a shirt, socks and a New Testament. The ride home flew by with a chorus of gratitude. He said things like: “Those were some nice people. I really enjoyed that. This was the best time I’ve had in a long time. I want to do that again: Think we can do that again sometime? You know where to find me.” He wasn’t overbearing in his request for friendship, just childish and honest. And I would like to see him again.
There was only one instance during our time together that he showed anything but sweet kindness. When I returned from the counter with his lunch, after a few minutes of my absence Bub said, “Hey T.C., did you hear how he broke his leg?” Turns out, one evening near the Trolley stop two men with a baseball bat were chasing after him, yelling about how they didn’t want any homeless people around here. He was chased toward a fence, which he climbed, but on the way down he broke his leg. Still in fear of the chase, he limped the best he could to a street on the other side where he was confronted by police, who sent him to the hospital. Whatever care he received at the hospital wasn’t enough to keep him from limping around on crutches, nine months later. I asked him if he had forgiven the men. He was adamantly vengeful: “Not yet. No mercy for them.” Otherwise he is grateful for the people in his neighborhood and the provisions he has.
I dropped him off at his bush. I pass it virtually every time I leave my house. It is along the one-mile path between our house and Journey Community Church, which we have attended for the better part of the decade without ever noticing or thinking of these homeless people, let alone their interrelationship with church of Jesus Christ whom we bill as compassionate.
From what I pieced together he spends his time between the bush and a 7-11 a half-block away. With the change he receives from people, he eats a diet that makes a cup of chili too much to eat in one sitting. He is addicted to nicotine, and medicates with a beer when available to reduce the shakes. His house is a sleeping bag amidst bushes, and he is saving up for a small tent. I have one in my garage that I will drop off sometime. I suspect someone will take it one day. We can’t just have people sleeping in tents around here!
I am not about to get into a political, sociological discussion about homelessness, nor an argument with many thoughtful Christian friends who are as offended as anyone about the smelly people standing outside 7-11. I am content with lamenting for my friend, reflecting on this world where “there will always be poor people among you” (Deuteronomy 15:11), and praying for a little more dignity before he goes.
TC – I know who you’re talking about. I’ve never had the chance to talk with him before, I’ve only seen him walking around on his crutches. I hope I get the chance to say hi to him sometime. If you know of anything specific he needs, let’s talk. I’d be happy to help.
T
I’ll join you in that prayer TC.
I love that you guys just hung out with him; most of the time we are focused on “converting” and preaching at homeless people when we sit with them. Rather than realizing that our mere presence is more valuable than any apologetics we can spit out at them. Mind you, the time will present itself for those conversations to happen but typically those moments are the exception and not the rule.
This is something that my friend and I have talked about often in the last few days. He works at a Rec Center in El Cajon, at a park which is known for it’s very obvious homeless population. My friend has worked at this park for years and never interacted with the homeless people aside from a hello every now and then. Through his participation with AAC (he is not a Christ-Follower) a change has been occurring in him. God has been working hard transforming his heart. Now, whenever he works he purposely goes outside to hang out with his new homeless friends (many of them old enough to be his father). He has bought them clothes and has begun buying them food.
My point with this is that, as I sat with him and his homeless friends on Saturday, I told them that you guys (T.C, Bub, and Sam) do this on Thursdays. I asked him why he doesn’t do it and he said, ” I’m worried that all they will do is talk about Jesus.” He was worried that you guys wouldn’t just listen and spend time with the homeless. He said, that’s what these guys need. They don’t need someone to preach at them, they’ve heard it before. Just listening is far more powerful than preaching at them.
I get where my friend is coming from…. It’s as if we are prone to view these brothers of ours as souls to be conquered rather than people to be loved. It’s as if we don’t trust that the Holy Spirit is enough to intrigue these people, that if we don’t say Jesus’ name every other word, they won’t know who our Father is. We are a ministry of presence. We try to live our lives in such a way that words are not a necessity because of our actions point to Christ.
Amy, can you write my blog for me? That’s exactly what I was trying to spit out on my lameass post. You nailed it. All I’ve got is a big “amen”! I really do feel convicted by the fact that someone that hangs out with us would think that we only talk about Jesus. What about football? ; )
He was saying it not because he thought that you guys in particular would, but rather that that has been his experience with most Church people.
Haha..football. good times.
Who said anything about preaching or apologetics? (As T.C. cleared up for me) I’m simply talking about saying something to the effect “I’m doing this because this is what Jesus would do, and would have me do”.
No one (I know of) would ever consider feeding a homeless person while telling them how evil they are, or teaching them the 5 points of Calvenism.
We must be a ministry of presence. We must also be a ministry that points to Jesus. Besides, when did Jesus ever meet someone’s needs WITHOUT pointing them to the Father?
LOL Todd. I don’t think anyone I know would either. The problem is that’s the PERCEPTION that people have of Christians, warranted or not. Just like last week when we were talking to the kids at the Rec Center. Their previous experience that week had been some Brothers coming up to them with million dollar bill bible tracts, hollering and yelling. I mean someone that actually hangs out with us on Sundays thinks that about us, for goodness sake. While think people thinking that all I talk about is Jesus is a vast improvement over what people used to think I talk about, I need to try a little harder to be more about the love of Jesus and maybe not just the words.
Perhaps “apologetics” was the wrong verbiage for what I was trying to say.
Clearly, when people ask why we do what we do, we profess unabashed our allegiance to Christ. However, we realize that given the post-Christendom world we currently live in, the world which is unimpressed with the Church, the best we have to offer is the quality of our relationships.
It is not an either or concept, but rather a healthy tension between words and actions, a balancing act as it were. One cannot exist without the other, words and actions are supplementary to each other. My frustration lies in the reality that we tend to over value our words and under value our actions, for as Nouwen said,”In a world such as this, who can maintain respect for words.”
Often we (the Church) have this entitlement complex. We feel a sense of entitlement in people’s life who have yet to grant us that privilege. At ACC we realize that we have to earn the right to be heard (that’s not to say this isn’t so at other churches). Thus, we try to live life in such a way that, as Alan Frost puts it, ” Our allegiance to Christ unfurls slowly, over multiple interactions, by which time the reader is so far into the book of our life that they can’t put it down.” This is what is meant by being a ministry of presence. Or in other terms, living our lives as a parable. A ministry of presence, at it’s core, is a ministry that points to our Father.
I’m also a friend of your friend who is not a christ follower, in AAC, and works at a recreation center in el cajon where homeless people live. he told me he wants to remain anonymous so we’ll just call him David. well i ran into him today. i took a gamble you were referring to david and asked what he thought of your comment. david said he understands your point but questions your details about what he has said and done. he emphasized his experience with evangelical christians as overbearing and impersonal. he told me AAC is a totally different take on evangelism, church, jesus, and being a human being. he didn’t know what the AAC memebers do when they talk to the homeless, but he was confident they didn’t cram jesus down anyone’s throat, like he has experienced. he paused. the silence started to make me uncomfortable. as i started to say good bye david looked me in the eyes. in a sincere tone he said, “there’s stuff i just don’t get. but there’s no where else i can be in the presence of so many genuinely good people.” then he grumbled something about still liking you but maybe giving a heads up when you use his life as a source in your writing.
Amy & David,
Whoever your mystery friend is who works at the rec center in El Cajon, it sounds to me like he must be a really nice person. Maybe he could tell us what his homeless friends need. In the meantime, if we run across socks, underwear, coats, blankets, shoes, sleeping bags that we don’t need or that our neighbor is selling at their garage sale we might set them aside, especially for cooler weather. Would those items be appropriate? I know a place where I can usually get good clean used t-shirts for 25 cents each. Say hello to your friend for me.
My apologies to our mutual friend…hopefully now we will get his input directly from the source.
I wish there was a way to answer to both you and Bub simultaneously since you are both giving accounts related to one another. Anyway, I’m touched by the depth with which you both write and the compassion you show.
My one thought goes back to a conversation you and I had T.C. at the picnic where I said I think many people do ministry outside of the church – it just doesn’t always look like it because God isn’t always actively being discussed. What you both describe – being with another in pain and poverty – happens daily in social service fields by underpaid staff who may not even be Christian but still have a Christianesque heart. I’ve seen bingo played in rooms where the stench is terrible and people have to learn basic hygiene but staff and clients temporarily focus on G-35; have seen staff hand out Christmas gift bags to people so grateful to get a coupon for Mc Donald’s, observe Vietman and Gulf war vets shake in terror one moment but laugh and enjoy themselves while shooting hoops are listening to the radio, and witnessed janitors wiping the noses of elderly in wheelchairs who can’t get up to get a Kleenex. The Kingdom of God is often quite present in schools, jails, nursing homes and psychiatric hospitals.
Ironically, it is these very marginalized people who have taught ME the most about God. Oddly, they are the ones who seem to be able to quote scripture; who give the only quarter they have to someone still homeless; who sponsor a child in Mexico with the little remaining disability money they have after their board and care is paid. It’s amazing. I think the reason society shies away from all of this is because the line that divides the haves and have-nots, the sane from the insane is really thin. There by the grace of God go I.
No matter where we are – if we’re on the street, at our jobs, in the church or whatever, I think we must “be the vision” – the lamp that shines – and talk of God happens organically in its own place and time.
Word.
I got to meet “Crutches” last night. I posted my thoughts at http://toddtolson.blogspot.com
When we do trashwalks, I never approach anyone to preach to them. I try to look up as they walk or drive by, smile, wave if they are driving and say hello if they are close enough to hear me. Almost everyone will say hello in return or wave. Some will ask me who we are and ask why we are picking up trash. I try to answer with something like “We’re followers of Jesus and we do this every other week to show the love of Jesus to the neighborhood.” Then I smile and shut up.
So far I have never heard a negative response. I have heard “Cool”, “Amazing”, “That’s the way Christians (churches) ought to be”, “I’ve never seen anything like this in all of my life”,”I’ve lived in this neighborhood for over twenty years and have never seen anything like this”, “If all Christians were like this I would want to get back to church”, “I totally burned out on church twenty years ago, but it wasn’t anything like this”, etc.
Some people say no more. Some do. They ask questions or comment, and I respond to their questions or comments. They really listen because I’m not preaching. I’m responding to their questions or comments. I don’t give out tracts or invite them to church or any of those things. This is a totally new experience for almost everyone I encounter.
This works in encounters with almost anyone. Most have seen the tracts, heard the four or nine or forty seven spiritual laws, points or whatever and been invited to church or told they’re going to hell. But they haven’t seen people who are doing something for them or their community who make them ask why they do it who say they do it to show the love of Jesus. Think about it – How many people have you ever, in your whole life, seen doing something kind, asking nothing in return and you had to ask them who they were and why they were doing it and they told you it is to show the love of Jesus to them or the people around them?
This is not a method. It’s just following Jesus and trying to love people like Jesus would and do some small thing to show Jesus’ love. We can’t fix everyone and their problems, but we can show them a little love, hopefully in practical ways.
Sam, you’ve said it so much better than I ever could. Thank you.
This is such dynamic, loving and thought-provoking discourse. Thank you.
I just want to add a thought that was triggered by someone else’s comment that the homeless person written about kind of wished someone had told him he was going to be written about.
I think we always have to be careful how we write about other people and respect their privacy, which can be hard when we want to write about our own process and our intentions are pure. It’s a delicate issue but if we don’t observe it, we can reinforce a sense of separation, or us/them relationship.
Won’t it be exciting when some of those initially served become those serving and actually post their own blog reports about their experiences of being reached?
I think everyone’s responses on here are amazingly written, and beautiful. I love engaging in conversation about what has to be God’s favorite topic: People.
Todd: I usually don’t respond to my own posts (don’t want to monompolize this site) but I do want to concur with you in every way. Thanks for your encouragement, and for being part of this journey. TC
Sam alerted me to this news item, and I should check on Ron. I think the guy assaulted was not Ron, for he wore a baseball hat and “walked.” Either way, interesting stuff happening right at the same intersection where he lives.
http://www3.signonsandiego.com/stories/2009/oct/06/homeless-man-assaulted-robbed-two-others/?metro&zIndex=178055
I got to spend some time with Ron this morning.
Good news: Ron is ok, and wasn’t the one who got beat up.
Bad news: It was Ron’s friend.